Work vs. Fun

It's been awhile since I have written. It has been awhile since I have written creatively or in a journal-way. I can't quite seem to relax anymore. I do work and I feel tense. I do fun things and I feel tense. I sleep and I feel tense. It seems like I am working really hard to push back at the lifestyle I have created for myself at Towson, and I am making progress very slowly, but it's hard to never be on solid ground, to always be changing my perceptions of my own life. In High School, there was structure, which made things easier. You had to get up early and do all these classes you didn't want to, you looked forward to getting out and you wanted to do fun things. In college classes are all throughout the day, you can sleep in and do so many things before even going to class that each day has such a mixed up feeling. I might do URG stuff all morning and then go to class, and then do more URG stuff or homework, and there is no natural end to my responsibilities of the day. I try so hard to stop myself from doing stuff so I can relax, but when I have been doing that recently I haven't felt like the fun stuff has rejuvenated me at all. So I do work to catch up, hoping that will make me feel more relaxed, and that doesn't really work either. I seem to only be able to relax on the weekend, but it's not like I'm getting tons of things done during the week either. I am behind in all my classes and just don't care about them, and on most days I am ready to hand over URG, but I have not completed all the necessary things to do so. I am going to New Orleans in a week and a half and I am not even excited. I have about 2 months of undergrad left and I don't want to spend it in limbo, not accomplishing things and not having fun.